60 Years in 60 Days:1970

 1970: Keith 

I was in first grade in 1970.  It was my first year as a full time student as kindergarten back then was a strictly half day affair.  My older sister was in 2nd grade and my younger brother was doing whatever 4 year-olds did back in the early 70's. I don't have any memories when I didn't have both an older sister and a younger brother.

I do have memories before my youngest brother, Keith was born  on veteran's day 1970.  I remember some of kindergarten.  I remember my first day of first grade and I certainly remember walking home from school that day in Mid November when my Mom was coming home from the hospital with Keith.

I also sadly have many memories of life without my baby brother.  He died a little more than 14 1/2 years ago.  An event that is very well chronicled on this blog. This is the fifteenth birthday we have celebrated without him. 

 By the time Keith was starting first grade, I was starting 7th grade.  Because of the age difference we weren't all that close growing up.  He started high school when I was in college living at home and volunteering in the same high school youth group I had been in while in school.  He starting attending that youth group and we spent quite a bit of time together because of that. As a result we became closer and even though we weren't exactly super tight, he was probably the relative I was closest with.

In 1987, the year I left home to reinvent myself, Keith started his senior year of high school. Over Spring Break that year he had his first hospitalization due to mental illness.  This was the beginning of his road to a Bi-polar diagnosis.  I think back then they just called it a nervous breakdown.

That Fall he did go away to school, actually pretty close to where I had landed and he spent his first two semesters of college the farthest he ever lived away from my parents.  The next year He went back home to a local junior college and started to find his own way. While there he met the woman he would eventually marry and he got married before either of his older brothers.

Keith eventually graduated from college and began graduate school but never completed it.  I think the only job he ever had was at McDonalds, but he always worked hard and he always took care of his family, And I never met someone who loved his kids more fiercely than Keith did.  

Some Friday night in the summer of 2006, I was at an outdoor movie night at a local park with my family.  My cell phone rang, it was my Dad.  Keith was sick, He had only 10 % use of his heart and his kidney function was at the same rate.  Within a week, he was getting treated at the Mayo Clinic.  

His kidneys were shot because of the lithium he took for his bi-polar, but we never discovered what happened with his heart. From 2006 to April 2008 Keith's life developed into a consistent pattern.  He'd be hospitalized he'd then go to a nursing home (one of the only 30 somethings in the joint) then go back home far a month or two and then he'd be hospitalized again  because either his heart medicine was creating problems for his kidneys or his kidney medicine was messing with the bi-polar or any other such permutation. rinse, lather, repeat.  

Keith loved trivia, especially Jeopardy. He was an excellent chess player and  loved all kind of puzzles especially those in Games magazine.  I am sure, he would have been great at current games, like Wordle and Nerdle. 

Keith died at the age of 38 so I always think of him as 38. Or I think of him at 27, when he got married.  Or I think of him at 30 when his son Robert was born.  Or I think of him ay 32 when his daughter Sarah arrived. Or at the age of 22 when he visited me in Russia and said of my filing system, "A place for everything and everything on the floor." Or at the age of 17 when I saw him graduate high school at the old Poplar Creek concert venue. Or playing tee ball at the age of 7 or 8.  Or at the age of a few days, that November day on 1970 when he came home from the hospital.  I guess I remember him a lot.  I miss him even more.

Keith Roller Played With a Full Deck and the Cards He was Dealt.

 My brother Keith was born on this day in 1970.  He passed away in April of 2013 at the age of 38 from a heart attack while in a nursing home in Elgin.  He died a few weeks  before he was scheduled to return home to his wife and kids. 

Today, he would have turned 52.  There is really very little significance to a 52nd birthday, but a few years ago I manufactured a little significance by referring to it as the full deck birthday.  This is because a card deck traditionally has 52 cards.  Today would have been Keith's full deck birthday.

My brother had social, emotional, physical, and mental health challenges on his brief time here,  One could say that the deck was stacked against him.  To judge him for his challenges, as many did,  would be not only unfair but would rob you of knowing one of the kindest, smartest, funniest people you would ever encounter.

In his short life, he graduated college, fell in love, married and fathered 2 children who he showered love on.  While it seems cruel that they hardly remember him, his legacy of kindness, passion, and creativity continues in them. 

I was an older brother to Keith, I was also his youth group leader when he was in high school.  I guess I was something of a model and an example to him.  In many ways he was an example and even a teacher  to me and although his life on earth is over the memories and the lessons continue. 

 

Earlier this year,  I started 2 sonnets with the same line: The time were given is quite brief.  It started as just an exercise,  It became much more than that when the 2nd poem became about Keith.  As today is not only Keith's birthday but also Poetry Friday.  I thought I would share it again here.  

Death of a Brother

14 lines after 13 years

The time we're given  is quite brief

For some, it's much too short

One April morn I got the report

I'd lost my brother Keith

Such news was so beyond belief

That I had no retort

Of snappy comebacks, I'd fallen short

So anguished by my grief

My brother died in a nursing home

At the age of thirty-eight

While he was watching M*A*S*H

13 years later as I write this poem

Though my grief is not as great

My heart still bears the gash

Buffy Silverman is hosting this weeks Poetry Friday.

Reflections on Keith's birthday.

Today is Veteran's day. It happens each year on the 11th of November. November 11th has had special significance to me since 1970. I was in first grade at Queen of the Rosary school in Elk Grove village and Mrs. Newman was my teacher. Some of my classmates were Dennis Morrison, Bob Gore and Dick Lynch. The special significance of 11/11 has nothing to do with Veteran's day but with the birth of my brother Keith. 

 Keith was the 4th child in our family and was born when I was 6, my older sister was 7 and my brother Chris was 4. In 1970 Keith was the 38th most popular boys name. That statistic would have been meaningless to me except that my brother Keith died in April of 2009 at the age of 38. Today he would have turned 51, but to me he will perpetually be 38 until we are reunited in Heaven. 

 My parents are still living and as of this writing live in the same house as they did when Keith was born. I was visiting them yesterday and I forgot all about it being Keith's birthday today. It wasn't until this morning at announcements at school that I realized it was Veteran's day. My first 3 classes today were teaching 2nd grade, kindergarten and 1st grade art classes. It was strange to remember that I was in first grade when Keith was born and unsettling to realize Keith's children were in Kindergarten and 2nd grade respectively when he passed away. 

 I used to think of Keith all the time after he passed away. Over the years I haven't forgotten him or anything like that, but 12 1/2 years of life has moved on while Keith remains more or less at a fixed point in time. I'm feeling a bit of survivor's guilt today. My children have grown up or are in the process of growing up with both their parents. My niece and nephew lost their Dad before they were even tweens. I remember what a loving father Keith was to his kids but it makes me sad that they don't have many memories of him at all. 

 Over the years I have endeavored to stand in as much for Keith as I could for his children. I will continue to do my best in that regard, but today I'm just a guy who misses his brother.

Keith for 50

Today is my brother Keith's birthday.  He would have turned 50 today. He died in April of 2009 at the age of 38.  Over the years I have written a lot about his life  and death many of those posts can be found by clicking here.

Over the years I have also written about a musician friend of mine Allen Levi.  He also lost a brother and chronicled their story in an excellent memoir called The Last Sweet Mile. I mislaid my copy a few years ago when we moved into our current house.  It is probably in a box in the basement some where.

I found 2 posts I wrote about Keith that I wanted to share.  One was written on 11/11/11 which was a birthday he has been looking forward to as it resonated firmly in his mathematical mind. The other was written a year earlier than that when he would have turned 40.  I will reprint it here as it is also features the aforementioned Allen Levi.

Big 40 minus the birthday boy

My brother Keith would have turned 40 today. He died 18 months ago so he never quite made the milestone. When My Mom turned 40, my Dad put a banner across our garage that read "Jeanne's 40 today. But don't tell anyone!". We lived across from the local library at the time and man people people became aware of the event. When I turned 40, Amy had a surprise party for me and had one of my favorite musicians, Allen Levi, fly in from Alabama and sing at my party. He performed the following song among others...

 

 When Amy turned 40, relatives teamed with me so I could give her 40 rolls of quarters. (Amy loves quarters) Keith died 18 months ago, so he never quite made the milestone. Keith was born on Veteran's day and loved that his birthday was celebrated by many people even though they might not be aware they were doing so. Today as you reflect on the men and women who served our country in the military. Reflect also on the men and women boys and girls who left the party before we had a chance to throw them one.

Meanwhile back in 2020

On occasions like this I really want to say something profound about Keith.  Instead I'll just say this...

There really has never been anyone exactly like him.  .  I find it fitting that Keith's 50th birthday falls on the heels of the death of Alex Trebek.  He loved Jeopardy and even auditioned for the show, easily making it to the 2nd part of the process.   Keith excelled in trivia but there wasn't anything trivial about him. Keith was Bi-polar but his mental illness did not define him.  What defined Keith was a world class mind, a kind and gentle spirit, a quirky and quick sense of humor, a simple but abundant faith, and a love for his family and friends.  

Keith visited me when I was living in Russia, teaching English as a Second Language and working as a Baptist Missionary.  One day Keith and I were on a bus on the way to visit a family I knew.  Keith heard someone speaking Spanish and started talking to them in Spanish.  I didn't realize how much Spanish Keith knew.  He studied it  a little in High School but picked it up mostly working at McDonalds.  The Person Keith was speaking to was a  Brazilian missionary who had only been in the Russia  for about 2 weeks.  He spoke very little Russian no English,  ,some Spanish but mostly Portuguese.   Keith invites him to visit this family with us. We get to the families house they have never met Keith or this guy before. The family consisted of a high school girl that I was tutoring in English, her college aged sister and their mother. Their English ranged between somewhat fluent and none at all. This family loved foreigners and were really interested in getting to know Keith and this Brazilian betters.   The guy from Brazil  would speak in Spanish, Keith would translate it into English and I would try to  translate it into Russian.  Then we would reverse the process.  Keith would get off on these crazy tangents and try to explain an idiom or a pun  and I would have no way to translate it with my limited Russian.  

Everybody had a wonderful time.  When I would see that family or that missionary after that they always commented on how much they enjoyed that evening. This is not surprising.  Keith made life an adventure. When I hear Spanish, I sometimes remember the day Keith turned a bus ride into a party.  He may have left the party early but he certainly made a lasting impression. 

Remember our Veterans

Today is my brother Keith's birthday. Born in 1970, he died 7 months before his 39th birthday. This marks the 4th year that his wife, son, daughter, parents, brothers, sisters,nieces, nephews, and other relatives and friends have had to mark his birthday without his presence.

It s also Veterans Day, the day we Americans celebrate the veterans of our armed services.  Dictionary.com say a veteran is a person who has had long service or experience in an occupation, office, or the like: a veteran of the police force; a veteran of many sports competitions. With this definition in mind, I  got to thinking of everyone who has lost a loved one recently.  How they, like me, have become a "veteran" of grief.  Because even the loss of just one person you loved deeply is enough to make anyone a veteran.

We are taking some time as a family today to communicate to some of these "veterans" that we are praying for them and care for them deeply as they continue to experience their loss.  If you are a veteran of recent grief, I hope you are encouraged as you reflect on the memories of your loved ones.  If your war with grief is less recent and  you know of some one dealing with the new loss of a loved one, i would encourage you to communicate with them words of hope and encouragement.

Life and Death go on

This is the last post of the day. All I can say is whew! What a roller coaster of a day! I was up at midnight launching this and woke up at 5 a.m for a men's group at church. I taught school today and still managed to make sure these posts kept coming every 39 minutes.

It feels a little (even for me) heavy handed to go on about Keith all day. I had friends and relatives having surgeries and tests today. I just heard that a dear friend from high school's father passed away this weekend. (Please pray for the Broten family in this time. ) I also have a 1st cousin once removed who is battling Leukemia. (Pray for Jenna and her family as well.)

Do I really have the right to focus so much energy on my brother when there is so much need elsewhere? I think, yes. Preparing to celebrate Keith in this manner and then celebrating him as helped me appreciate his significance but also to see that there are so many people out there who have lost or are losing someone just as precious as Keith.

I hope by recounting his story, that others are blessed and encouraged. I know I have been in writing and editing these memories. I would like to thank all those who have contributed to this collection. I especially thank My wife, Amy, who encouraged me and anchored me in this project.

Died in 2009

One of the big highlights at our house growing up come Oscar or Emmy time was the listing of those who died in the past year. Here are just a few who passed away the same year as Keith did . . .

Bea Arthur - Actress. Died April 25th at age of 86. Best known for work in Maude and Golden Girls. She was actually just portraying our Grandma Friedrichs.

Corazon Aquino - World Leader. Died August 1st at age 76. Beloved president of Philippines.

Walter Cronkite - Anchor Man. Died July 17 at age 92. Longtime CBS News icon.

Larry Gelbart - Television and Movie Producer. Died September 11th at age 81. Creator of M*A*S*H (the T.V. show not the movie, acronym or potatoes).

John Hughes - Movie Director. Died August 6th at age 59. Known for his work on Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles. Ricardo Montalban.

Died January 14th at age 88. Veteran actor best known for his work on Fantasy Island. Keith and I know him best for playing Khan. In Star Trek II Wrath of Khan.

Died at the age of 38

Keith would have been 39 today. You don't need to be the caliber of a mathemagician that Keith was to figure out that he died at the age of 38.

Here is a short list of others who have died at the same age. . .

Roberto Clemente - Baseball Player. Died 1972. Pittsburgh Pirate Hall of Famer died while doing humanitarian work.

Harry Chapin - Song Writer, Singer. Died 1981. Most famous for song Cat's in The Cradle.

Florence Griffith Joyner - Olympic Track Star.
Died 1998.

John F. Kennedy Jr. - Son of President Kennedy. Died 1999. Published George Magazine

Died April 7th

Here is a short list of famous people who share Keith's date of death.

P.T. Barnum - Circus Organizer and hoaxer. Died in 1891 at age 80. The saying "A sucker born every minute" is often attributed to him. May have been uttered by a contemporary.

Henry Ford - Automotive Pioneer. Died in 1947 at age 83. Streamlined auto industry.

Johnny Hart - Cartoonist. Died in 2007 at age 80. Created the comics strips B.C. and Wizard of Id. Stirred up controversy with his highly evangelical Easter Sunday panels in B.C.

Speaking of Easter, I found one reference on the Internet that Jesus Christ died on April 7th.

If that is indeed historically accurate, I find it very encouraging that Keith died on the same day that His savior died for His sins and those of the world. Because of Christ's death and subsequent Resurrection, I will one day see Keith again in Heaven.

A quick Keith and Dave Joke

One day I told Keith that I would love to go skiing in Norwegia.

I knew he would correct me and he did.

He said "Norway."

And I said "No, Really! I'd love to go!"

We tried to recreate the magic for years but no one else would fall for it.

Keith is as Keith does.

Keith was an avid movie goer. He really loved the movie Forrest Gump. I never quite got that movie. But that's okay many people never quite got Keith and I always appreciated Him.

Keith liked the movie so much that he gave his Daughter Sara the middle name Jenny. (Melchior had already been taken.)

The problem was that nobody did a worse Forrest Gump impression than Keith. The real problem was that no one did a more frequent Forrest Gump Impression than Keith. I mean how many times does a guy need to say "And that's all I have to say about that" which by the way it is.

Keith won't be at Chuck-E- Cheese. Rats!

We have a family tradition of celebrating our kids 4th birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese. These pictures are from 6 years ago when Emma turned 4. We just sent out the invitations for Lucy's party next month.

The hardest thing about the upcoming party for us is no Keith. He and Lynne always made time for any occasion our kids were having, a football game, a dance recital, even an opportunity to spend time with a 6 foot rodent. The place won't be the same without Him.

Veteran's Day

Keith loved having his birthday on Veteran's day. He loved telling people that kids get the day off to celebrate his birthday.

I consider myself a veteran this year. A veteran of grief and loss. But I am also glad for the opportunity to celebrate Keith's birthday and his life today. It is something we can do whenever we think of Him.

And you thought his middle name was bad!

We were very glad when Lucy was a girl. We had no idea what name we would give her had she been a boy.

I recently asked my Mom why Keith had the name Keith. When I say recently, I just got off the phone with her. Her answer: Because it went well With Bertram.

My Grandpa (My Mom's Dad) was named Bertram Friedrichs. Everybody I knew called him Dad. Grandpa or Bert. Bertram's a mouthful. But wait until you get load of his middle name: Melchior! According to Catholic tradition, Melchior was one of the names of the 3 Wise Men.



The Bible doesn't indicate how many wise men their were but since their were 3 gifts, many traditions and portrayals of Jesus life depict 3.

My Grandpa Friedrichs died a few months after Keith got married. He was at the wedding and was around as his namesake started his own family.

I'm just glad that Bonnie was a girl or else my Mom may have wanted to name her something that goes with Melchior!

The International Impact of Keith Part IV

The first summer I lived in Russia Keith visited me for a few weeks. One day we were on a bus headed over to have a dinner at the house of 2 of my students. While on the bus we encountered someone having some difficulty communicating in Russian. It turns out he was a Brazilian missionary who had just gotten into the country. He spoke no English, and very little Russian. He was fluent in Portuguese and Spanish. I used to be a fair hand at Spanish but lost most of Enter Keith who was practically fluent in Spanish. We ended up inviting (I think my students were with us on the bus) him to join us at the dinner.

The dinner was a very unusual affair my student's Mom spoke no English, Spanish or Portuguese but was very interested in talking with the Brazilian. So here's what we did our host asked a question in Russian, I translated it into English, Keith translated it into Spanish. The Brazilian would respond and Keith would translate it into English and I would translate it into Russian. Talk about having to sing for your supper.

Keith really enjoyed being useful and a focal point of the evening.

You did this to me!

My friend Patrick, who I met through Keith had this remembrance he wanted to share . . .

I was friends with Keith in high school, and even referred him to a job a McDonalds. After high school, he went away to school and I was still in Elk Grove and kind of lost touch with him. Until one day I walked into the Elk Grove McDonalds we had both worked at and a voice started yelling at me from the grill area "There he is. That's him! it's all his fault!" It was Keith, yelling at me for getting him work there. I came back after he got off of work and we hung out a bit. Talked about Amy Grant music and other things. It was a good night.

Amy Remembers Keith Part II

Here is the second installment of my wife's memories of my brother . . .

Keith really looked up to his big brother Dave. Whenever Dave would tell a joke, Keith would chime in that he was thinking the same thing, or try to get in on the laughter. Keith was such a smart man, he had a brain for facts and figures and dates. He and Dave and their mother would often try to outdo each other with what they knew, but always in good fun. They would mistakenly ask me one of their questions, and after getting a blank stare, move on to someone they knew would answer…each other. Our family spent quite a bit of time with Keith’s family and you could always tell that Keith looked up to his big brother Dave, and with good reason.

Time For Jeopardy

Jeopardy is a family obsession. My Mom has been recording it for years. My brother Chris likes to shout "Bet it all. Bet it all!" everytime A Daily Double is revealed.He also has dubbed the time where Alex Trebek interviews the contestants as "Meet the Geeks." But no one reveled in all things Jeopardy like Keith. He was also the best of the bunch of us at it. When Keith, Chris and My Mom all took the entrance test only Keith got to the next level.

Keith may not have been Ken Jennings, but He found solace in knowing the questions to all the answers. When Keith got sick and eventually died I had plenty of questions and very few answers. But knowing His spiritual condition, that He was a follower of Jesus, I am assured that now he is not in jeopardy.

Memories from the Funeral Part III

My sister Bonnie spoke at the dinner after the funeral. She later shared her remarks on her facebook page. That is where I stole them from . . .

Growing up, Keith was always there for me, taking care of me, and protecting me. I have fond memories of Keith and I waking up real early in the morning and seeing what the Easter Bunny had brought us, or watching “The Great Space Coaster” together which always ended with Keith riding his bike up to the store and buying us both snacks… But, the fondest memory I have of him is during high school. It was my Junior year and I was going through a very hard time. I remember being in my room crying and he carried a tape player in the hallway and played me a song. The lyrics of the song not only cheered me up then, but now, after his death, they still cheer me up. The name of the song is “In a Little While” and I would like to share with you the chorus of the song. They are:

“In a little while we’ll be with the Father Can’t you see Him smile?In a little while we’ll be home forever In a while We’re just here to learn to love Him We’ll be home in just a little while… The words, by Amy Grant, were supposed to encourage me (And they did) because the song is about during tough times, we can remember that we are soon going to be with the Lord in Heaven and we won’t have to cry anymore.

Although Keith’s “little while” came before mine and long before we expected it, I know that like he was encouraging me 18 years ago, Keith is with the Lord now in Heaven.

The International Impact of Keith Part III

The Kostya Rules

When Keith was visiting me in Russia a few of the students from the Russian Baptist Church paid a visit to my apartment. After a while we started playing Yahtzee. I don't think my Russian friends had ever played it before. One of my friends, Kostya kept throwing one of the dice off the table. Now "Roller American Rules" dictate that on such an occasion the entire role must be redone.

For whatever reason Keith initiated the Kostya rules. Kostya could look on the floor and see what the roll was, if he wanted to he could keep it, or he could re-roll. This certainly gives an advantage to the (lower cased) roller.

When I returned to the states Keith and I would often play Yahtzee and we always had to decide whether the Kostya rule was in play or not.